Monday, June 3, 2019

Bitch, life is short. Just eat the damn pizza.

My girlfriend and I had pizza for supper and watched a terrible movie because we needed to catch up.
We talked about family, weight, mental illness, medications, therapy, sex, kids, a/c units, cats, home security, shit all happening at once, and man... we needed to get a lot out.
I wasn't sure about the dinner choice, but she said, and this is a direct quote, "Bitch, life is short. Just eat the damn pizza."
If that's not a clear message, I've never seen one before.
Life is fucking crazy sometimes. Sit down, be thankful for what you have, pray if you do that, catch up with your friends, and eat some damn pizza once in awhile.
This has been life advice from my friend Liz. <3

Friday, May 31, 2019

I am a sheepdog.

I am not a sheep. There is nothing wrong with a sheep. Sheep are everyday people, just going about their day taking care of their business.
I am not a wolf. Wolves are predators who target sheep.
I am a sheepdog. Sheep don't necessarily like sheepdogs, but when sheep encounter wolves, they get behind the sheepdog because they know they will be protected.

This is not a new analogy; you've probably heard it before. I'm just realizing my place in this world... I cannot be a sheep and keep other sheep safe from the wolves. I have realized that not everyone will like me and that is just fine. They don't have to. That's not my problem.
I have skills and knowledge that make me an asset, and it's time to transition into that role. I will be a leader. I will be a protector. I will keep my sheep safe. I will handle those damn wolves.
You all have a wonderful, safe, and productive day. <3

Thursday, April 4, 2019

Holy shit, y'all.

My evaluating supervisor (I literally have 9 bosses) gave me an "outstanding" eval for the year, which is the highest. He also put me in for an award which happens to be the highest offered for my pay grade.
I'm losing my mind, I can't stop laughing. I never expected recognition for me busting my ass. And that O eval is a huge thing on a resume. I'm so confused and I know it means very little in looking for a new job but my mind is just blown... man... it's crazy.

Friday, March 22, 2019

I'm trying. It's harder than it looks.

We expect to lose Gramps soon. Trying to get a trip out to see him before he passes, but it's not up to me. I miss him and I'm not ready to lose him.
My skills are wasted at my place of work; I consistently outperform these dudes but I can't get a promotion because I have a vagina, and I didn't grow up with all these dudes. Shit like that makes me mad. The private sector looks better each day. This place is killing my spirit.
My husband and I argue about literally everything. I'm scared of staying with him, and I'm scared of losing him, and what those things entail. I know that's the biggest sign that I need to get out, but I've been dependent on him for so long, I don't know how to start over.
Trying to stay motivated but this is literally killing me. I'm trying to hold it together and hang on, but even with prayer, meds, my counselor, my Dad, I feel like I'm losing my grip on even my own sanity. I'm at the end of my rope. Please send me more rope.

Monday, March 11, 2019

And here we go again.

Once again, I didn't get the job.
I keep telling myself there's a reason, there's a reason it wasn't this time, wasn't this place, that the time and place are yet to be revealed. I know it's not up to me but I cannot help feeling defeated, even though I've done my best.

Just have to be patient and continue to believe that everything will be ok.
Because it will.
It's not in my hands but His... He is the one who decides what, when, where, and for how long, and He made those decisions a long time ago.



Deep breath.
It's gonna shake out.